Disclosure is an absolute mine field.  Or we can make it a mine field. It's actually so simple we've got to complicate it in order to understand it. The simple thing about disclosure is you go to a bar, you go to a club, and you meet this really cute guy, and you want to have sex with him and you have a drink and you talk and you think "Oh yeah, this is really good, I feel good, he feels good, I'm up for it, he's up for it, let's do it." and then you think, ah, hang on, I'm HIV positive. What do I do about this?  Disclosure, that's a technical term for what's coming up. Do you tell and risk rejection? Or do you not tell and have your way with him?  Most gay men I know who don't disclose, and most don't, they don't disclose because of fear of rejection. They feel that the answer is going to be "No" and they couldn't take a rejection.  So, if they don't disclose and their partner, this cute guy hasn't disclosed either, they might be positive but they haven't said either, neither discloses and then they go beyond first base to the next step, to second base and they have sex. If then they don't use protection, including, I hate to rain on your parade guys, including for oral sex, there are clear indications in the science that HIV can be transmitted orally, and if you haven't disclosed and you have unsafe sex orally or anally, and somehow HIV is transmitted, a long time down the line if they work out it was you, you can be in this country be prosecuted under criminal law and you can be imprisoned, you can be sentenced. So it's not just a question of "Oh I don't feel like telling him." The law has intervened because there have been too many cases where we haven't disclosed. And because we haven't been clever in the way we've addressed this, the law came in a few years ago in this country and said we will intervene. If we can prove transmission has occurred, it's criminal transmission.  Admittedly the few cases we've had up before the judges in this country have been very carefully argued because they've had to track the HIV down to its DNA sequencing to see whether you were the transmitter.  You've had to break it down into viral DNA and to look at the, it's almost like DNA sampling for a criminal act like a murder or an attack or anything like that.  So they break it down to that. But I think as the years go on and more and more people claim that they were infected by you, then it will be harder to argue that you were innocent.  And if they claim you deliberately lied about your HIV status and you claimed you were negative, and you infected them, the law will hit you harder than if you just decided mutually not to disclose.  I know it's hard to take a rejection but wouldn't you rather have rejection and finding someone else who might say yes than to be imprisoned, prosecuted, being dragged through the courts maybe sometimes for months, or years. While this was going on imagine what that would do to your immune system if you were HIV positive.  Couldn't keep your name out of the press. They'd find out who you were. Stay clever. Disclosure is a bitch. But you have to be clear about the implications. Look at the cases on line. You know, Google all the cases. Put "HIV Criminal Transmission," "HIV Deliberate Infection and the Law" into Google and see what it comes up with. There're hundreds of cases out there that have been successfully prosecuted and people imprisoned because of deliberately infecting someone. And not to disclose is to deliberatly infect them I'm sorry to tell you.  It's a deliberate act. It's not an act of omission. It's an act of commission, which in law has a different weight, a different bearing. So when you see this cute guy, tell him. If he says no, walk away. Don't have a problem with it. And if he says yes, you have to take care because he cannot agree to unsafe sex because you cannot agree in law to becoming... I'm not sure what the actual technical term is, I'd need to go into law.. you cannot agree an act of infection.  You are responsible for using safer sex every time.  And why do we have to fuck every time. There're other things we can do. There's a whole menu of things we could do.  Read the literature. You don't have to just wham bam every time.  There's other ways to have sex that aren't penetrative where there's no risk. Investigate those. It's like the wank circle, the circle jerks they had in San Francisco in the late '80s.  I mean, they probably still have them. Where you know you had different ways of sex but the end result was the same, the ejaculation was as pleasurable.  But no one got infected. There was no problem with that. But if you are having sex with that cute guy, to protect yourself from criminal law you have to use a condom after disclosing and if you disclose and he says no, walk away, respect him for his answer. Don't have a problem with his answer because he's protecting himself. He doesn't want to become HIV infected. But unfortunately both you and cute guy might be drunk, you might be on drugs, you might be off your faces, you might not even be able to pronounce disclosure. So, you fall into a back room and wham bam, HIV thank you Sam. That's the way you get it. Disclosure's a mine field but if you don't do it you could end up in prison and you don't want to go there. Believe me.