0:00:04.520,0:00:11.520 The alternatives to anal intercourse and oral intercourse are almost like going back to 0:00:15.449,0:00:22.449 kindergarten. You might thank "Oh hang on, this is something we did as kids. It's infantile, 0:00:23.790,0:00:30.790 it's what children do when they're discovering sexuality." It's things such as frottage, 0:00:31.539,0:00:38.539 which is rubbing against each other, mutual masturbation, enjoying each other's bodies, 0:00:38.550,0:00:45.550 pleasuring each other ... it doesn't sound exciting does it when you think of the "wham 0:00:45.850,0:00:51.640 bam" type of sex. And for a lot of gay men who are having a very high level of unprotected 0:00:51.640,0:00:57.540 sex, anal intercourse, oral intercourse, to suddenly start going and having mutual masturbation, 0:00:57.540,0:01:04.540 or cuddling, or prolonged sex, you might need to change gear and think "No, it's not like 0:01:07.219,0:01:14.219 that." But what this is is like moving from driving around a race track without a seat 0:01:14.369,0:01:21.369 belt to driving into a country lane with pleasurable views and taking your time. Other cultures 0:01:23.749,0:01:30.749 have looked at alternatives to intercourse. And our cultures, unfortunately, our "wham 0:01:31.189,0:01:38.189 bam" cultures, you might want to investigate Tantric sexuality, the work of Tao sexuality, 0:01:42.060,0:01:49.060 the way the masters of sexuality in Kama Sutra for instance have looked at the ways we can 0:01:51.479,0:01:56.689 have sex with each other. And there is a Kama Sutra for gay men written at the same time 0:01:56.689,0:02:03.689 the Kama Sutra for heterosexuals was written. You would need to look at the Indian teachings 0:02:03.779,0:02:10.779 on the way, the alternatives to penetrative sex, as I mentioned just now, the Taoist. 0:02:12.570,0:02:19.570 These have the strongest elements of experimentation, but they're so pleasurable once you shift 0:02:21.430,0:02:27.500 gear, that you're not going to miss the "wham bam." They're also safe. There's no risk of 0:02:27.500,0:02:34.110 transmission of HIV. But what you need to do is slow down. It's not "wham bam." And 0:02:34.110,0:02:41.110 you can't do the types of sex I'm talking about in the Kama Sutra, and Taoism, for instance, 0:02:41.830,0:02:47.970 unless you're conscious. You have to be very conscious. You don't take drugs or alcohol. 0:02:47.970,0:02:54.970 I know there are certain schools of Tibetan Tantra where drugs and alcohol are used, but 0:02:55.320,0:03:02.320 they're used ritualistically. Shivai Tantra in southern India for instance uses EVERYTHING, 0:03:03.160,0:03:08.040 including drugs and alcohol, but in a very controlled ritualistic way that we in the 0:03:08.040,0:03:15.040 West are not able to understand or tolerate. It requires dedication, practice, and if you 0:03:17.980,0:03:22.430 want to investigate it, you could spend the rest of your life investigating it, and, and 0:03:22.430,0:03:28.990 you would have such pleasure, such joy, in doing this, but you would need to do a lot 0:03:28.990,0:03:35.990 of research as to how these cultures use sexuality. In India, there's various caves, for instance, 0:03:37.920,0:03:44.920 Gujrau and Fanta, et cetera, that have depictions of alternatives to intercourse. Maybe you 0:03:45.370,0:03:52.370 want to investigate those. In our culture there is no alternative, or no REAL alternative 0:03:52.510,0:03:59.510 to "wham bam" sex. You would need to go East young man, to look at the ways we can nurture. 0:04:01.390,0:04:08.390 Because "wham bam" sex isn't nurturing. It's almost abusive. Sex is almost punishment, 0:04:09.330,0:04:16.330 the way we have sex with each other is very violent, it's very macho, it's very non-nurturing. 0:04:20.440,0:04:24.300 It's almost like you're attacking your partner or being attacked by your partner and then 0:04:24.300,0:04:31.259 they walk away and you have been attacked. These ways of sex, having sex without penetration 0:04:31.259,0:04:38.259 that I'm talking about, and Taoism, and Tantra, and Kama Sutra for instance, they are are 0:04:41.370,0:04:48.370 long, drawn-out. Sometimes, the act of sex with your partner, when it's non-penetrative, 0:04:49.469,0:04:56.469 can take place over hours. They're not centered on ejaculation, they're centered on nurturing, 0:04:56.680,0:05:02.129 and they're centered on evolving you, they activate all your chakras, from the mulladai 0:05:02.129,0:05:07.620 right through to the suavistan, the work of all your chakras along your spine, and the 0:05:07.620,0:05:14.620 crown of your head. Those ways of having sex are designed to wake you up. But the "wham 0:05:15.349,0:05:20.460 bam" sex that we have as gay men in the West is designed to close you down, to make you 0:05:20.460,0:05:26.800 fall asleep, to get you to be unconscious. The shock of "wham bam" sex, all your chakras 0:05:26.800,0:05:33.800 fuse, they close down, they go into shock, because you're being abused. And years of 0:05:35.550,0:05:41.729 abuse when your chakras close down, HIV is not the worst thing that could happen to you. 0:05:41.729,0:05:46.740 Because our culture doesn't have the answer, you need to look at other cultures. Do your 0:05:46.740,0:05:51.509 own research; I can't do it for you. Hey by the way no one can do your truth; you've got 0:05:51.509,0:05:58.180 to do your truth. I can't tell you what works for you; you have got to work it out for yourself. 0:05:58.180,0:06:04.559 Before the Buddha died, he said to Subbuthi, his last disciple, "Work out your own salvation, 0:06:04.559,0:06:09.300 with diligence." No one does it for you. If you're hungry, I can't eat for you. If you're 0:06:09.300,0:06:14.050 thirsty, I can't drink for you. And so how are your thirst and hunger satisfied? Do your 0:06:14.050,0:06:21.050 own research. Do your own work. And let, maybe, this be a beginning. Prove me wrong! Investigate 0:06:21.930,0:06:26.130 it! But you know I don't think you will. (Prove me wrong, that is.)